Whether you become a caregiver slowly over time, adding duties and tasks as a loved one needs more help, or you become a caregiver suddenly due to an accident, heart attack, stroke or sudden diagnosis of a serious ailment, you are stepping into a role for which few are truly prepared. In a caregiving situation, both you and your parent may be feeling similar emotions, such as sadness, fear, vulnerability, anger and denial. So, one important task will be to maintain open communication between you.

Observations and Discussions:
Home Instead Senior Care, which offers respite care for family caregivers, suggests you follow their “40/70 rule” which was compiled with the help of communication expert Jake Harwood, PhD, of the University of Arizona:

• Get started. If you’re about 40 and your parents are about 70, it’s time to begin to carefully and thoughtfully observe and gather information. (For example, is your dad forgetting things? Is your parents’ refrigerator harboring out-of-date food?  Are bills stacking up? Does your parent seem depressed or lonely?)
• Talk it out. Approach your parents with a conversation about your observations.
• Do it soon. Talk now, rather than waiting until a crisis has occurred.
• Maximize independence. Look for solutions that optimize strengths and compensate for problems.
• Stay tuned in. Continue to observe and ask questions. Be sure, for example, that your parents are still involved with their friends.

Also, think about getting assistance. “Every caregiver needs respite (relief from caregiving),” says Sara Myers, managing director of the National Adult Day Services Association, “so when a caregiver embarks on a caregiving relationship, she needs to weave into her thinking that she will need caregiving partners. (You) can’t do it alone.”

Caregiver advocates say respite is so important that you should talk about it with your loved one as soon as caregiving begins. Although you may get some resistance to any potential change in routine, or bringing  “strangers” into the home, you might alleviate some of those fears when you enlist your loved one’s help in making respite care arrangements. Check out activities at an adult daycare center together, or spend time together with any person giving respite care to build confidence in the worker’s capabilities.

Also, it’s important to discuss legal and financial matters, as well as medical and end-of life issues, so that you know your parents’ wishes and can ensure that all the proper paperwork is in place—and you know where to find it. Elder-law attorney Lawrence Davidow, who is president of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, suggests that you “write down all the questions you’d like your parents to answer.  Do you have an updated will?  Do you have an updated healthcare proxy?  Do you have long-term care insurance?   Have you prepared a list of your assets and valuables for us in case something happens to you?  These are difficult questions to ask, but presenting them in written form sometimes helps parents focus on them in a less-threatening way.”

Article provided by Caring Today magazine and www.caringtoday.com